Isolation – No One Seems To Notice,

Isolation

To set apart from others, To put by itself
To place or be placed
in QUARANTINE
Isolator….a noun…..that’s what I am to myself without even knowing


 

Yes that is what I did to myself and didn’t even know until I sat back and looked at my life and what it has become. It started around the date April 14, 2016. The first step I took was deactivation my Facebook account. I just got so tired of spending so much time with something that only made me feel even worst about the way my life turned out. I spent the first 38 yrs. of my life with the one and only true love of mine. Since his passing I have lost all will for life. My interest in life is gone, I just make it through one day just to get to the next day, wishing life away. At one point in my life I did not like to sleep, I slept very few hours at a time, I wanted to spend my life..”My Time” “awake” being with my love  Leroy  and that was Good, because I was happy and in love. But Now? I find miss mesleeping is a way to escape the pain of the hole in my chest that was created the day he passed taking so much of me and the best part of my life with him.  But no one sees the pain I still carry. So with that said, Facebook is nice, lots of friends but I need to go on.

 

Then more and more days I found myself keeping my phone on privacy mode. I would see if there was any activities going on with my phone liking receiving a text or a notice. But mostly I use my phone for reading my books from Amazon and Goodreads. My new hobby that gives me peace, a real satisfaction of some kind. But now I spend most of my time alone…in silence…enjoying my alone time reading. A new good feeling. And I kind of like being in my own world undisturbed, just me and Mickey.  Here is where I find my Peace.

 

 

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It’s possible to go on, no matter how impossible it seems, and that in time, the grief lessens. It may not go away completely, but after a while Its not so overwhelming. – Unknown

Holiday’s Blues

Holiday’s Blues,

Holiday Reminders of loved ones lost: Holidays are a time for reflection. All too often your thoughts turn to beloved family members and friends and our  beloved Pets who have passed away. The subsequent sense of loss you feel can spoil even the happiest times of the year…made to be sad.  CHRISTMAS. Making the holidays for those who are alone even harder. They even make this statement   “The first holiday season spent without someone who’s died during the previous year can be very rough”. But what they don’t mention is that first year feelings can last for years lateholiday lostr. In my case.

There are a lot of very good sites to visit when you are feeling down and for me brings a little joy into the holidays……Star Bright Angels is a very wonderful site. They seem to know just what you are feeling and some how post the right  postings on Facebook that makes you think someone cares and understand. Thinking you could really have your Angels watching over you. This web site I fell upon while just trying to see if there is such a thing for this feeling I’m having, I call it the holiday blues. This web site was Last updated December 9, 1999 but still have a lot of good information….Holidays Blues….

Now for the first time in 5 years, since 2010 was the last time my house was decorated for the holidays. So this is my baby steps lots more to go. Trying to heal after losing a major part of my life, My husband. Picture is the front of my home where I still live alone after the death of my husband. No, not doing holiday signa tree. That was Leroy’s job. He’s in a better place waiting for me to join him and enjoy our tree together. Maybe time will heal more and my Angel will guide me into……….

So with that I leave with this one statement……”I Don’t need an angel on top of my tree, I already have one in heaven looking down on me” ♥ ♥ ♥

To my love I pray every night!

Xxx

Star Bright Angels

Patricia Folks Thanks this say everything, every night I pray to my husband letting him know it’s another day closer to us being together again, another day closer to us sitting side by side as we belong. I ask him to watch over me and keep me safe until that day comes and then I tell him I love him more then words can say and miss him even more. It’s been 4 yrs. and have done this every night since he has been gone.

 

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